The Performer

The Performer

Audre Lorde

I write for those women who do not speak, for those who do not have a voice because they were so terrified, because we are taught to respect fear more than ourselves. We've been taught that silence would save us, but it won't.


Wednesday, June 30, 2010


I am going through changes, changes
God I feel so frustrated…rated
Someone please save me, save me, save me
I am going through tough changes, changes

It was all a lie
And I kept denying it wasn't coming
Mama always told me…nothing is as it seems
I thought she probably made a mistake on that one!
And now that I ignored it, it's ripping me apart…
Pulling me away from the ME I used to know
The ME that was always me

I looked around me
And all I saw was ash
The ashen flesh of my past…of my pain…of no gain
I want to run…so far away
Because I relied on too much
Believed in the extraordinary things
Believed that love could patch up and mend the tears
Hate could melt and clean up the stains on my skin

I have so many regrets
One of them … me you don't have to know if you don't by now!
Maybe its something else
I hate darkness, I hate lies, I fear heights…you made me fear you
Its been a rough one…and you ain't making it better
And those around me cheer in joy
To my great disappointment
My face looks down in shame
For believing in one chance….that never will be!

Now I'm going through changes
Am comforted to know someone's there
But how?
How? I'm going through changes
Sipping water from people's wells instead of my own
God, I feel so frustrated…rated
I am thoroughly shaken…shaken
Cannot believe its happening….happening..worst of all, to me!

This cruel emotion
Your harsh conclusions
Our indefiniteness
The pretentious grins
The secrets…
I have got to carry mine…and if they kill me
Then I'll sure be gone before I know it
Just remember…
It was our fault… Chao Bella

By K8’s

Tuesday, June 29, 2010


It was all calm….clear
We sat in the matatu on our way to town
Silence engulfed the spaces between our bodies
The looks exchanged only spoke of warmth…
As this machine sped us off to our destination

Then I reached out…
Placed my warm hand on your cold palm
You looked at me….intently but caressingly too!
As you warmed up to my touch
You smiled, I touched harder
I smiled back, the Nissan went through a bump
That spun my behind closer to yours
Oh! I felt like home….or was I imagining?

Your turn…
I wished the journey would not end
We stared into each other's eyes
As a newborn baby would when she's kindly requesting to breastfeed
And it is in this feeling that I felt like I had known you all my life
The joy in having known someone as sweet as you
In being in your company all the time!

It was time to alight
That was an awesome ride
I'm looking forward to more of that
But sadly, my poem has to come to an end!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Reverse call

It's three O'clock,
I take my phone,
My fingers quavering,
My mind galloping like a stallion,

I want to make that call,
To tell you to come back,
On the buttons I press,
Trembling like I have a fever,

I press the number,
But I hang up,
Before the dial could connect,
I put the phone back,
And with a whisper,
I speak the words,
That I would have wanted you to hear,

Unsure they would have made sense,
At this point in time,
I take the phone again,
Sure this time I will not fret,
I dial your number again,
But you won't pick up,

I scribble a short message,
And with a whisper I read,
Wishing you could hear,
I dial your number again,
This time, it sounds like a reverse call,
All my calls, diverted to a stranger's phone,

In a twist of events,
It's a reverse call,
And all that is left,
Is for me to talk to myself,
Since you to my plea,
You won't listen.

K8's O

Why another woman I could love

I stared down my heart,
On the four corners,
I could not understand,
Why another woman I could love,

I prodded my mind,
To seek the answers,
Why another woman I could love,
Against nature, against norms?
Yet, my heart beat with excitement,
The same way, when I got my first love letter

From Almond, many years gone by
I have drunk from the two wells,
Not an iota of difference,
Yet, the well I have chosen,
With peace I can't draw water,

The preacher has branded it a curse,
The lawyer calls it a forbidden fruit,
Yet, I when I look at the other well,
There are happy times, there are tears,
Heart breaks and lover's tiff,

The same components,
That characterize,
The water I draw from my well.

K8's O

Rain drops

On my window, I stand gazing,
At the splashing drops of rain,
My eyes follow the fast streams of rain water,
Every splash brings with it memories,

A flash of childhood play,
When my bare feet splattered in the rain,
With delight of innocence,

Another flash,
Of my grown up life,
Every splatter feels like a stab,
The running streams of brown water,
Seems like blood in my veins,
And the pounding drops,
Like my racing heart,
Filled with melancholy
Of a time gone by,
And of a love lost,

I stretch my hand to touch the rain drops,
Wishing they could wash the hurt away,
For a moment, I feel like a soaring butterfly,
Flapping its wings in the splattering drops,

Then I gaze back to the room,
And the emptiness and loneliness,
Come rushing like a flood,
I try to recall all the good time,
Spent in the room now filled with emptiness.

K8's O


All I could think of,
All I could ever say,
All I could have done,
All I could have wanted,
All I could have wished for,

In one second,
One word I uttered,
In anger and frustration
Altered the course,

I couldn't plead temporary insanity,
To take back the words I had spoken,
The written to erase,
The sting in their meaning,
To rub and soothe,

With words I had dreamt up paradise
And in one second,
I brought it all tumbling down,
With one I uttered.

K8's O

Fading rainbow

It took a while,
Longer than the summer sun,
To look at the horizon,
The rainbow has faded,
In its place a gray dark mass,

The sun has come up,
Scorching the once beautiful dappled horizon,
It's gone, it has slowly faded,
That I have to deal with,

My tears I should wipe,
My exploding heart I must cool,
From the seething and scorching sun,
But my eyes I must keep open,
To look out for the spring sun,
That with it brings flowers' bloom,
Which sparks the heart again,
And brings another rainbow.

K8's O

I am drowning

On the thin straws I clutch,
With faith I hope to wade through the wave,
I had seen the signs, to keep off the banks,
I ignored the warning,
I had crossed that river before,
But this time, it was different,

The waves come on strong,
The harder they beat me, the stronger I clutch,
Now, I am beginning to drown,
The straw am clutching on,
Too weak to withstand the gushing wave,

Help, help, help, I yell,
My voice to shaky and my body trembling,
No a soul however, to hear my distress call,
On the banks, they stand,
Cheering as the waves grow wild,

Their cheers grow louder, am now drowning,
They who we laughed together,
Long to hear my last gasp for breath,
Now, I can’t breath, my hands too weak
Weary of clutching at the straw,
That I hoped would keep me above the water,

It’s long gone and lost in the raging waters,
A silent four word prayer I whisper,
God please help me,
Save me from drowning,
I am drowning, I am drowning.

K8's O

Point of no return

Like a seesaw, our love moves,
Balance difficult to keep,
Like a pendulum,
Our emotions swing,
Sadness, happiness all at once,

There is no telling,
What the silence holds,
Or what the words mean,
Either what the actions portend,
Time it seems, has run out,

To look back at what we had,
Hard to keep the good memories,
Of a love swing that was once certain.

At every door knob turn,
My eyes light with expectations,
To see you once again,
But it's not you at the door,
I jump excitedly at every phone ring,
But it's not you at the end of the line,
I glow at every click on my mail in box,
But it's not your message,

Everyday, I long to hear your voice,
But you won't talk to me.
Night falls and darkness comes,
To announce, we have come,
to the point of no return.

K8's O

It’s been a while

Weeks have passed,
Since my last genuine smile or laughter,
The afflictions of a broken heart,
Whose pleas of forgiveness,
Went unheeded,
Whose tears nobody could wipe,

The loud cries no one heard,
A repentant heart,
Rubbed with more pain,

It's been a while,
Since I could remember,
How it is to be loved,
To be cared for,
to have a relaxing sleep.

Pills, cigarettes the only true friend I have,
It's been a while,
I have regretted my mistake,
I wished I could rip my heart off,
To wear off the hurt.

K8's O



With every step, my heart pounded faster,
A week had gone by, since we met on line,
As I stepped floor, light with neon lights,
I took a deep breath.

There you were, your face
Glittering under the disco lights,
We shook hands, and our hearts leaped with joy,
Time seemed to stand still.

As we excitedly talked about ourselves,
Our dreams and ambitions,
We connected, we understood,
From then on, though not spoken,
Our paths had crossed,
And I knew then on,
I would want to walk with you,
I didn't know what tomorrow would bring,
But I chose to take the walk anyway.

Walk in the sun
My world feels empty without your laughter,
It feels treacherous and cold
Without your tender caressing hands,
Feels like a bad dream,
Without your encouraging words,
Seems like one dark cloud,
Since you walked out.

It is a brunt I have to bear,
The prospects of a ghostly quiet house,
Haunting memories of our love.

K8's O


Look here, young woman
Life is short, to spend groaning over milk that doesn't get to the boil
Complaining about your failures
Sleepless nights imported by your destructive thoughts
Keep positive, as much as you can
Give yourself one reason to smile…none? You're alive!
A girl's gotta do what a girl's got to do
Don't just sit there and whine
While the rest are dining using your wine glass honey
Wake up, smell the coffee!

You are special
The world's greatest!
One in a million
You deserve all the happiness
You've got no replica of you in this world
You are capable of great accomplishments
You are YOU!

Enjoy yours while it lasts
Never hold regrets close to your chin
Feel good about yourself…anytime, all the time!
Spoil yourself, encourage yourself, and revitalize your mind
With good thoughts, healthy food, sufficient exercise
Surround your life with loved ones
Life is short…say your “I love you’s” well in advance but:
Only if you mean it!
Smile…be glad as many times as possible
Even when tears of blue come…
I'm letting you know that
You are not alone.

You may need a friend
A confidant…a shoulder…a hand
You may need a voice, an opinion, a smile
I stand strong
I give you strength
I assure you
That I'll always be here
For your needs so near
So to just be clear
We need each other dear!