The Performer

The Performer
Arty

Audre Lorde

I write for those women who do not speak, for those who do not have a voice because they were so terrified, because we are taught to respect fear more than ourselves. We've been taught that silence would save us, but it won't.

 

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

WHEN AM GONE

It may be time to say good bye
I have been thinking about this for a long time now
And I bet its time to say what I've been waiting so long to say…
This free spirit has to fly
Away from the sun…from the curious stares of my haters
Those that smile but from within those pretentious scarred eyes
Despise that's dressed to kill
Those that mama always warned me about
But those I thought would take time to grow

I have done my best
Watched the tower rest at the foot of my beliefs
Those that I was taught to look up to
The lucky stars that once shone on me
Have disappeared without notice
Left me helpless and lost
I have nothing to keep eating here…the land is withered and dry
Scarce tears is my only drink…regrets have made me so hungry to go on living

I have given up
On everything I thought mattered
Thrown in the towels to a distance I cannot stare into
My eyes are tired of seeing
Ears of hearing all you have up your sleeve for me
My short but pretty fingers which will in no time be no more
Are exhausted from typing to convince you…of what my heart really feels
While all that falls on vampires that laugh at my face
They cackle in laughter as I am dragged to hell by some of those I regarded confidants
I have lost the will to live

This becomes my final moment
Michael Jackson's “final curtain call”
Where all my mouth can mutter is goodbyes
To a hefty but interesting life
One that was full of many lessons
Full of love and hate…full of enemies than friends

I lived a good life
I kept the faith
Is that all you will say when am gone?
That she was a wonderful person
While all they caused you was pain? Will you be true to you?
Please do not bid me bye in pretense?
Stay away and let me be whisked away by strangers
Stay home and wish me well on my journey to the unknown
I will be glad to know that you will not have to
Go through the anguish of mourning me
I have caused enough traumas…save you self this one…this time

Say your prayers if you have any
I will try and feel them from wherever I'll be
But I cannot promise to be there….because am gone when am gone

Rest in peace sistah
Rest in peace black woman of color…oh you queer woman
But in your hearts…”may you go to hell” you bitch
Don't worry, I feel you…you don't have to frown
I totally am with you
In spirit….let this free roaming spirit fly away
To where it belongs
Where it is most needed…the skies above you!

Rest in peace K8’s
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8 comments:

  1. mbuziSeptember 20, 2010 at 3:49 AM

    Oh dear!am screaming out loud TRAAANSLATIOOON!
    in Kamba if u do not mind think i will be able to hack this one.
    K8,kindly tell me something about this poem.
    How was your weekend dear?

    ReplyDelete
  2. K8September 20, 2010 at 4:04 AM

    Hi Sharon...thank you for your comment.
    Well, I must say that at the time I was writing this poem, I was going through the lowest moments of my life. I felt all useless and I was sure I would one day wake up "dead". I was simply preparing me for the worst case scenario. I never wanted to die and people would crowd around to lie about how nice a lady I was if I was a bad woman and vice versa. I would want the truth about me to be told...Ha ha ha of course this may seem a wee bit unrealistic...but its saddening how we lie about the deceased!
    I love you! Have a lovely day.
    K8

    ReplyDelete
  3. mbuziSeptember 20, 2010 at 4:36 AM

    Thanks,and am so sorry for whatever it is you were going through that time.Honey,hope you didn't pop in too many pills and cigarettes.
    Have a lovely day too.
    i Love you too K8ty!

    ReplyDelete
  4. K8September 20, 2010 at 4:42 AM

    You're welcome. It's ok, those bad days always come. Trust me the way some of us deal with such issues is scary! I do not want to go through details. But it was certainly bad...bad...bad. I'm glad am learning better and thanks for being here.
    Enjoy
    Love
    K8

    ReplyDelete
  5. mbuziSeptember 20, 2010 at 4:53 AM

    Well going for late lunch k8ty, Enjoy the rest of the day and Woishe post something new soon may be a poem in your defense.WOULD LOVE TO READ THAT,
    Okay if i don't go now..........

    ReplyDelete
  6. K8September 20, 2010 at 5:03 AM

    Enjoy your lunch. The new work will be in my poetry book...there are people riding on other's talent and plagiarism is on the high.
    I am however engaging someone for my poetry rights and sooner or later that will feature here soon too!
    Enda sasa..
    K8

    ReplyDelete
  7. mbuziSeptember 20, 2010 at 5:43 AM

    Get A lawyer Friend to advise you on patent laws,registration of logos,Monopoly rights etc.
    if you want i can do research for you and advise consider it Pro-bono.
    For me i do not deal with intellectual property laws(Patents, copy rights,trade marks) am in criminal,industrial disputes and Family(divorce) matters. LATER NOT personal.

    ReplyDelete
  8. K8September 20, 2010 at 10:04 AM

    Thank you for the suggestions. Will let you know how it's going with my other lawyer friend.
    K8

    ReplyDelete

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