The Performer

The Performer

Audre Lorde

I write for those women who do not speak, for those who do not have a voice because they were so terrified, because we are taught to respect fear more than ourselves. We've been taught that silence would save us, but it won't.


Saturday, March 6, 2010

Dear Diary.

Today I woke up with so much energy
I can’t wait to see my girlfriend tonight
Of course this will take place in a club
At least people there are not so keen on who I am with
It’s a busy day
I hope the evening will spruce it up

Yesterday evening was interesting
I met the love of my life and for a moment
It felt like we would not be apart forever
I have woken up feeling sad that she not with me
Though I know this will not be for long…..
I still keep the faith…

I received a call tonight…
My love is unwell…Oh! How i want to fly to where she is and be there for her
All I can send is a card and some flowers
And hope they will adequately represent me
The rest of my day was miserably sad

Read in the Daily newspaper about the signing of that document
To criminalize my sexual orientation
It’s a mixed feeling day for my community and I
Will our meetings still go on even with the terrible flop?
I skipped lunch because I just never felt like it
Maybe it will be better in the evening
News! News! News on television!
The ‘fags’ should get a life

Left for work early today
Discussions at work was all about ‘them’
I tried not to make any comments lest I lose my job
It hurts that they hate us so much…
I cannot even begin to imagine their reactions if they got to know that am one of them
I went home reassuring me that all would be well

My partner was arrested at midnight yesterday
On grounds that she had been caught kissing another woman the previous weekend
That woman she was with was me!
No evidence was availed…. No chance for her/anyone to defend her
Poor Muslim girl! Now they will hang her
And I cannot stop it…….and it breaks my heart that am losing my love, life, light
I could not sleep but stayed up, hoping that all plans could backfire and I could rescue my love

The saddest day of my entire life
I watched her being hanged in public and presence of fellow Muslims
I watched the rope drain life out of her
I watched them abuse our human rights
I watched my heart get torn to pieces
I watched my life losing it’s meaning today
I watched me lose the reason to love again
I watched my hand stop writing my diary
Goodbye Dear Diary!

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