The Performer

The Performer

Audre Lorde

I write for those women who do not speak, for those who do not have a voice because they were so terrified, because we are taught to respect fear more than ourselves. We've been taught that silence would save us, but it won't.


Thursday, March 4, 2010

The pain of being me!

I heard a loud silence of sorts
That incriminated the queer in me
Cheers and jeers amongst a people so hostile
What the hell got into me?
They blame the society non-conforming animal in me
Yet they love to be with me
They love to listen to me, to see me, to hear me whistle their nights away in bars and clubs and restaurants and …

Or is it just me?

Stones can be beautiful on the ground,
But they can hit and eat as well
They wait, within those thick bushes
And as I pass by on my way home…….ambush my thoroughly entertained body and mind
Hit and curse and spit and…………oh! They raped me
All I remember is that I couldn’t breath for a moment, I was dead, my own worst enemy
They made me chant and promise the world that I would not continue being gay
As each of their violent thrusts inside me
Made me heave with so much pain
So much hate that they were trying to correct the person that I am
They screwed the hell out of me, leaving me for dead….laughing as their satisfied broom sticks walked them away
Their quenched voices distancing away from an innocent me…going further and further
While I bled me to death! I can no longer go on telling this old spittled story...
Corrected rape

Through this tiny knit
Still I rise….a traumatized past, an inclined present
Whelpishly crying me on
Any remembrance of that startles me into cautious silence
Knowing that I will try my best to be safe
Knowing that someone else will try to pin me down
Knowing that despite being careful, I’m not assured a rape-free life
Knowing that the wolf in a man is out there to broker my sanity

I will clip the little membranes under my tongue
And hope this doesn’t happen to any of you
These are to me, moments of icy silence
Accompanied by still and frightening air

Painful truths sprawled down across the lines on my face
But in my heart silenced by a wicked edge…

I will pray for you sister
I will pray for you partner
I will pray for your friend
I will pray for you enemy

In a sister hood
That is full of liars, cheats, hypocrites, homophobes….and all
I will pray for us
Long live Sisterhood
Long live you!

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