The Performer

The Performer

Audre Lorde

I write for those women who do not speak, for those who do not have a voice because they were so terrified, because we are taught to respect fear more than ourselves. We've been taught that silence would save us, but it won't.


Tuesday, October 26, 2010

What do you like most in your partner?

My mind has been discussing this topic for a while now and I thought, ‘why don’t I bring this up in this beautiful house I call my blog?’ Most women in relationships chose to concentrate on their partner’s wrongs. They are comfortable spending their free time discussing their partners, obviously in negative light. What most of us forget is to all the negatives we see in our partners, there are always positives that make our relationships worth fighting for. How many times have you made time to look at the good side of your partner? How many times do you appreciate having her in your life? How often do you say ‘I love you’, not because you have to but because those sacred words are from the core of your heart? This is the time!

Honesty here as usual works for me. I have several friends who bad mouth their partners with their close friends. I don’t understand how you expect them to feel when they get to know that you are doing that. I have always insisted that people should  face their problem head on…have a sitting with her and communicate what does not please you about her. What goes around comes around. Several relationships have crumbled from this ‘inside gossip’. Some situations have been easy to mend and start all over again but sadly, none has passed the test of time. I may not exactly understand how you feel dear reader, but I would certainly try to understand and be there.

So, what do you like most in her? The way she does her make-up, or is it the way she goes around in clubs kissing her ex girlfriend? Is it her looks that you like most? Those that make you unnoticeable whenever you are out with her and every Claudia, Grace and Charity is hitting on her? Her personality and sense of style? Her love for music or her goth image? Her ability to make your pockets empty while you’re out on a shopping spree? Jeez! Or  is it her magic in bed? Maybe it’s her job and the position she holds at work…or the fact that you’re with her because the one you really want has already been taken. Others are in relationships because they find it entirely difficult to say that they are single and so on and so forth.

You will be surprised because these are some of the responses I got from a majority of women. I must say this did not really get me by surprise. The way women are treating their partners these days is enough to prove that the only reason they are in relationships is for convenience.

I don’t believe in the ‘power of positive thinking’... The power of thinking positively is the biggest load of crap I have had to deal with. It is simply living a hypocritical lie. You see something real, evaluate it, then shift it… changing the way we see real situations, a battle that goes on in the head. I cannot for instance hold on to an abusive relationship of many years by assuming that the abuse is non-existent while I have enough body marks to show for it! If a relationship does not do IT for you then it’s not worth your effort.

Let us evaluate our relationships, let us involve our partners in this process since it is truly worthwhile. Let us know the things they like about us and vice versa. No one is perfect…I am not perfect. I know how far I have come, the challenges I have encountered, the many times I have failed…the many times friends and foes have brought me down. These are lessons I appreciate going through…they have made me wiser in making what I am today.  My relationship is my life. I communicate what I like about my partner…even if God gave me a second chance…a second life, it would still find me with the same person I have chosen to be with. Telling your partner how you really feel about them will set you free, it will develop their trust in you. It will not cost you anything…just try it!

Take care and thank you for your time.


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