The Performer

The Performer
Arty

Audre Lorde

I write for those women who do not speak, for those who do not have a voice because they were so terrified, because we are taught to respect fear more than ourselves. We've been taught that silence would save us, but it won't.

 

Thursday, April 29, 2010

We've lost it!

I thought you lost it
When you said it was over
Because I never saw it coming
I thought you lost it with the same breadth that
Said it never really meant anything
But I have a feeling that when one loves too much
And doesn’t get as much as they give then
It’s not a healthy kind of love

Life is about give and take, not about
Give and get less.
I thought you lost it when you asked me not to see you again
Not to come and visit you anymore
Not to be there for you
And just not care about you
This is a lot to ask for
With a hurt heart….I can only give you what you
Rightfully asked for
However painful that may be……

I thought you lost it
When you stopped communicating with me suddenly
Stopped updating me on the latest in your world
 while I constantly reminded you of what was going on in mine
It meant in a quiet but kind way that you were moving on
I am happy for you
But was this planned in advance? Let me know
I thought you lost it
Because you began pushing me away
Slowly, surely….until you had me eating from my own bowels
Crying my world to sleep on me
Tossing and turning in bed
Dreaming that we were trying to make up for the lost moments
But I wake up and
Alas! Am all alone…dreams, dreams, dreams..

I thought you lost it
When you never wanted us to sit and sort our problems as they came up
When I got blue for want of ‘touch’
When I sacrificed a lot for us
When we became lovers turned room mates
When I tried spices on our food and put too much

I think I lost it too!
That makes ‘we’
But am only patient
Strolling as I think of how to go about things
Now that you are nowhere in sight
Trying to do things my way
Without consulting you
Avoiding ‘I love you’s’ coz they don’t matter anymore
Avoiding any attractions that may land me in a dilemma that am in now

We both lost it
And it makes me very sad
That I will not see you again
Not hear from you again
Not get that touch again
Not whisper in your ears again
Not smile at you again

We lost it
Is that the price one pays for loving too much?
Let me know…

April 20th, 2010

2 comments:

  1. I know....but thanks for your time and comment!
    K8's

    ReplyDelete