The Performer

The Performer

Audre Lorde

I write for those women who do not speak, for those who do not have a voice because they were so terrified, because we are taught to respect fear more than ourselves. We've been taught that silence would save us, but it won't.


Thursday, August 12, 2010

WORD HAS IT: Sloppy kissers on the loose!

Have you ever tried kissing someone and what you get in return is a tongue full of saliva slogging through your lips and into your tongue? Nausea sets in and the next thing you want to do is rush to the bathroom and squeeze out the full Herbal Colgate bar on your toothbrush and cleanse that mouth!

 I have fallen a victim to this predicament and I must admit it was not “fresh cream cake” on my table. At first, my eyes were full of tears, I felt like disappearing to an unknown destination. How on mother earth would someone decide that my God given saliva is not enough for me and instead paste their smelly substance on my mouth? What defines kissing to you? Saliva tongued Blueband? Nkkkt! Of course not!

I swore that next time someone would try this on me, I’d first let them know how awful that was before chucking their nameless selves from my list of potential partners! It’s the most disgusting experience one could ever go through. Maybe there are those that like those kind of kissers. Heavens! I could introduce you to a few that have truly perfected their art for your ‘once in a lifetime experience’.???

Truth is, for me, it’s OUT and OUT. Communication is important. If you kiss me that way and I prefer not to tell you that I do not like it, then am not helping myself neither am I helping you! I’m being hypocritical. I will call a spade a spade and not a big spoon!

 We have opted not to talk about these issues for a long time while they remain challenges and at times major stumbling blocks in our relationships. For being blunt, I will be unapologetic pardon –– someone has to say some of the unpleasant stuff.

Let your partner know what your expectations are when you kiss. It may seem a little useless ‘thing’ to talk about, but it counts. That is what communication is all about, right?  Let’s not discuss politics, history, environment, religion and domestic issues (who is doing shopping next week) and think we’re set before discussing the very minute but intimate details of the sexual.

And, this is not a dress down on anybody, just an honest opinion.
If you’ll have to show someone how to kiss you then DO IT! At the end of the day, you will be glad you did. That’s what partners are there for, right?

Kissing is a two way party: You kiss and you’re kissed back. Kissing is a give and take. This could either happen at once or you could agree that your are first kissed then when you’ve had enough you kiss back (depends on what works for both of you). One can easily tell your personality through your kissing. If you’re the kind of person who only wants to be kissed and never want to kiss back then you are a naturally selfish individual!

On the other hand, there are those that can be kissed but do not know how to kiss back. We cannot teach them by gossiping their lousy kissing habits with our friends and foes over beer at the club or in the confines of our houses! Don’t act a‘know it all’ when you’re not even keen on helping a sistah address such an issue. A lil’ honest encouragement (you can certainly do better) works in boosting their confidence, but it doesn’t help. Note: DOES NOT!!!

Am not telling you to go testing your lips on all the women and teach those that are sloppy kissers how to play better. If you have a partner and both of you are satisfied with the ‘delivery of kissing services’ (ha haha) then you’re set.

 I’m talking about YOU, that has a partner who’s a lousy kisser and instead of helping/showing them how to do it better, you go out and start cheating on them by getting women that can kiss you better! You are running away from a problem NOT addressing it! That is what I’m politely defining as foolishness! Rome was not built in a day, I’m sure with a lil’ patience then you will get to enjoy those kissing episodes within a short time!

Is it true that most pretty women are terrible kissers? I will be talking to several of my sweet picnic girls so watch out for this in the next piece. Thank you for making time to read this honest s***!



  1. Kissing is an art that takes years of practice. There is no need to rush it. And people do not understand that you do not use tongue just immediately; take time for the lips to interlock and move and rub against each other. Enjoy their succulence. Then slowly move deeper, slowly at first, then let your tongues explore. You can control the amount of saliva by relaxing your throat.

    Do this and you won't need sex!

  2. hi, excuse me....
    do you like typography?

  3. @Dennis, clearly, we have a night nurse, huh? Preach it!! LOL
    @Fonty, I haven't tried that dear!

  4. Sharon
    Hi K8.
    @Denis U MA HERO!!!!!